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The Scuba Death Game

In the land of nosuchthingaspoker.com the bored populous invented the Scuba Death Game. In this game, that people actually pay to enter, they are each given a scuba tank full of oxygen and placed, with a large number of other participants, into a vast tank filled to the brim with water. The tank is then sealed from above and the lid is only removed when just ten people remain left alive. The aim of the game, of course, is to be one of the ten.

During the game breathing oxygen is obviously required however as time goes on and as pressure mounts bigger breaths need to be taken; thus depleting the precious oxygen even quicker. This means that sitting and waiting it out is not an option – if you are a player then you need some one else’s oxygen to survive!

To get oxygen you either have to challenge another player to a fight, be challenged to fight or interfere in a battle that has already commenced. Weapons are allocated at random; sometimes you have a big knife, a harpoon gun or even the cherished electrostatic ray gun that has a ninety percent chance of an instant kill. However most of the time you are given one of a variety of ornamental small knives, maybe the odd chisel and occasionally a lowly ink pen. The rules dictate that you must keep your weapon hidden at all times until the final blow – this complicates matters because it allows people to play mind games and pretend that they have what they haven’t. This means that even the man with the lowly ink pen can, at the very last moment, squirt ink into the water and confuse the other player into withdrawing rather than him committing his last reserve of oxygen.

Battles are sporadic and mostly made up of minor skirmishes however occasionally there are whole scale, all or nothing, wars where any number of participants take part. The larger battles seem to depend upon what weapons were received and how much oxygen the respective players had left.

So who wins?

Sometimes the man who sits on the bottom and refuses to take part unless he is holding a very large weapon gains the cherished placed in the ten – this man believes in reincarnation and is philosophical enough to know that he might make it in the next life. There are others who have analysed the situation to the n’th degree and have a system. Then there are the bullies who prey on the weak and unwilling and take chunks from them from time to time. Occasionally you see players who believe that unless they are holding large amounts of oxygen then they might as well be dead – this type of player believes in risk and enters battle willingly holding the view that unless you put your own oxygen at risk you will not make it out alive. Then there are the death-wishers who don’t like water, don’t like fighting, can’t swim and are only interested in the experience. A funny sight is often seen when you get some of the more active players fighting each other just to get to the death wisher who is still capable of getting in a lucky hit without realising it.

The strangest thing is that each type of player believes that the others are wrong even to the extent of telling them how and why they are making mistakes and appear to, contrary to their own survival chances, genuinely assist them. Spectators of the game just marvel at the great variety of results and remain unsure as to which strategy is genuinely the best. Of course in this game there are no professionals – they all died long ago.

Confused?

Well for oxygen read chips, for weapons read cards and for Scuba death game read poker tournament where the first aim is to get into the final. Do you treat your tournament play like life or death and if you do or don’t is that a good thing?

Tim "Dogma" Flanders


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